Connected Communication: #1 Tip for Getting Started
[This post is the fourth in a 5-part series about Connected Communication]
Want to hear a radical thought that feels counterintuitive and yet transforms lives?
I’ve been going on about Connected Communication, the 4 Step NVC Process, and the #1 block to compassion and connection in communication. Today I wanted to share the #1 Tip I give to anyone starting out with Nonviolent Communication (NVC) or facing a hard conversation, situation or feeling.
To take a giant leap toward Connected Communication, and put a stake in the fertile ground of a thriving life, Focus on YOU.
Act like you matter. Start today. Start right now.
If you want a seed to grow you need to nurture it. Children rely on us completely to be the model, an example of life. When we grow and live and thrive they do, too.
It means we need to turn the focus away from watering everyone else’s garden and nurturing everyone else till our well runs dry and we are withering away.
It means we make the effort to water our own garden, uproot those beliefs and habits and thoughts that do not serve us or align with our greater vision and to plant our own seeds of values, belief, rhythm, and ritual.
So my burning tip, from professional and personal experience, is to focus on you.
Take the time to notice what you are feeling. Care about what you are feeling and needing and thinking and wondering about and what you are desiring. Be willing to ask for what you need, to feel safety, clarity, pure joy and pleasure. Set healthy boundaries for yourself. All these are ways you can focus on you, care for yourself.
So when the moments get heated, and you are feeling stuck in disconnection and disharmony, you can stop and go back to “Focus on You.”
Connect to yourself inside and identify what you are feeling and needing. From that place of empathy for yourself you can move outwards and see more clearly the path to connected communication. From choosing to tap into watering your own self, nurturing care can flow out from you with more ease, peace and presence.
Why do something (potentially selfish?) and focus on You?
Because when you water your own garden and fill your own well, everyone who comes near and connects with you reaps the benefits of your efforts.
When you care for yourself, you have nurturing care coming into a full well. You feel less triggered and overwhelmed when others have needs and express feelings and life tosses you some hard, heavy rocks. Others reap the joy of a happy, centered, peace-filled you.
As you set the intention and follow through on care for you, others receive the message to care for you and understand better what feels like nurturing care to you. Your whole life opens up, blossoms and you get to enjoy the harvest that comes not only from your own garden but from the joy of having that deeper connection and peace and love within your relationship, your family, and all your relationships.
Every ounce of care that goes into you flows out into the world and the people you care about most.
You have full control as the focus is not someone or something else, later.
The Focus is on You, Now.
Then let it flow…
- Nurturing You: Mindful Self Care Workout and Program
- About Nonviolent Communication (NVC), a 4 step process for connected communication
- 4 Steps to Connection: NVC Workshop Series for Relationships and Parenting
- Download printable resources in my Communication Quick Guide
- NVC articles and posts on the blog